I thought its over. I went to see a movie with her and one other friend. She picks me up and we talk in the car. We arrive there early and I thought that maybe the other friend is there already. However, actually there are only the two of us at the sushi king. I felt really nervous.. is it because I still have feelings for her. Omg! She paid for the movie and also for the sushi. We spend quite sometime there and I felt like we are on a date. The only reason im not being a gentlemen to her is because I don't want her to know that I still have feelings for her. Damn it. Why can't I say that I like her straight in the face. Uhhuhu. I said that for me agf and also a wife is different. I wonder if she understood what I meant. A girlfren is a wife. The reason its different is that I dont have any bond with her. In other words, when I think she as my gf I am serious and commited of marrying her. I wish she can read my mind. Urghhhhhhhhh!
Honestly, right now I don't feel much happening inside. I guess when u had that same pain over and over again as the year goes by, you will end up feeling nothing. I do get mad, I do get upset but at the end of the day, my conscious inside always tell me that this is nothing. I think I have been sabotaging my own happiness unconsciously throughout the years. I am someone who can easily fall in love with someone and this is what most of my close friends said about me. Probably the longing feeling of attachment toward others make me feel this way. But for me, now I would still prefer a quiet time at home, then hanging out with anyone. But that doesn't mean, I don't enjoy them, I do, it's just that as you grew older, your circle of friends changes through time. Some got married, some have kids, move to another place and etc. You still keep in touch with them but its not the same as before. You won't simply share things with them anymore because deep inside, you know th...
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